It Goes to 11!

Take that, June! You thought I could never do it, but I did! With over an hour to spare.

But I'm not competitive at all.

Flat Light

Just a couple nights ago (Monday, I think? Other Clevelanders might remember.), we had some storms blow through the area. After Eleanor was in bed, Keith was on the couch and I was sitting in an armchair on the other side of the living room.

I looked up from my grading and saw that the sky was the strangest yellow/orange color. Partly what was odd about it was that it wasn't just the sky; it was like the air and everything bathed in the light had turned the same color. It was like the sunset had been turned inside out because of the low storm clouds, and all of the intense sunset colors that belonged near to the sun had been diffused evenly over all.

I'm not sure if I'm doing a very good job of describing it. I had to take a picture to try and convey just how odd it looked outside, but I still think even the picture doesn't do it justice. Do you know what I'm talking about—that odd, flat light that takes away dimension and texture? It's like you're looking at a flat picture, when you're looking out your front door.

Taking the Train for Father's Day

In my memory, Keith's first Father's Day was dismal. I was really stressed out and feeling overwhelmed with everything that just HAD to be done. (What was it? I have no idea. At that point, I wasn't even teaching yet, so it wasn't Work work. Just stuff, I guess.)

This year, I thought about it a lot as the day approached. I knew that I wanted to do something; in general, we tend to celebrate anniversaries by doing something together instead of focusing on gifts, and I have a feeling that Mother's Day and Father's Day will be the same. It just seems like, if you're celebrating a relationship, you should do something related to the relationship, you know what I mean?

During my fretting over how to make it the perfect day, Keith seemed surprised that I was so hung up on it. He informed me that we did do something for Father's Day last year—we went to the city pool. Once he said that, I vaguely remembered it. But I remember it as a quick trip, grudgingly shoved in between all of my other errands and tasks. And it was cold.

Whether my Father's Day shortcomings were real or only in my mind, I still wanted to do something fun this year. When I look back, I want to remember fun, family, relaxation, instead of stress and to-dos. Luckily, Keith came up with his own idea for Father's Day. I may not have been inspired with the event, but at least I'd put away the to-do list!

We took a Scenic Railroad Trip through the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. We parked and rode a few stops, then got off in a small town. The railroad goes right along the Towpath bike/walking trail, so we had brought Eleanor's jogging stroller and started walking back along the path, towards the direction we'd come from. We figured it was a 2.5-mile walk to the next train station, and we had over an hour to do it in. Even on Eleanor's 20 minute/mile pace, which includes stopping every ten feet to hug trees (literally), sit in rocks, stomp in leaves, etc., we should still make it in time.

If you think I'm setting you up for some momentous event, I must apologize. It was just a really nice, relaxing day spent as a family. The weather was gorgeous and I know I took many deep breaths along the hike, savoring the moment. When we got to the train station we did have quite a bit of time to spare, so Keith ran into a small shop and bought us some drinks and black raspberry ice cream to share.

Even better, Eleanor had passed out in her stroller while he was in the store. I had sat on the front steps of the store, watching her succumb to sleep. Her one little fist was, as ever when she's tired, firmly grasping her hair. Her eyelids slowly fell and jerked up countless times over the few minutes, until the jerks become slower .... fewer .... further between .... and then none.

We walked to the train station and enjoyed our cold drinks and ice cream. When the train arrived, Eleanor woke up and was ecstatic to be riding the train again. At the end of the train ride, the only way Keith could convince her to go to the car was if they said good-bye to the train, and she patted its shining silver side.

I know it's not really about me, but I think Father's Day this year was much better. I'm not happy that I was ever at a point where I couldn't put aside my tasks for one day to appreciate what a wonderful father Keith is, every day. But I'm glad that I learned my lesson from last year and we focused on Keith and enjoying family time this year. I loved the train and the hiking, but I get the sense that, even if we had taken a cold, brief trip to the city pool, I still would have thought this Father's Day was infinitely superb to last year's, just because we took the time to enjoy it.

Bright Light

Keith took this picture a few weeks ago, when he noticed the light streaming in through the window.

This picture gives me the impression of contentment. All is well and good.

Except that there's only one bottle of wine in the rack. I must rectify that...

Stretching Our Boundaries

When we were in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky a few weeks ago, we had the pleasure of taking Eleanor to the Cincinnati Zoo with Grandma Karen and Grandpa Jim. We've taken Eleanor to the Cleveland Zoo quite a few times, and she always loves it, so we knew it would be a fun trip.

First of all: The Cincinnati Zoo is really nice. Just from our wanderings, I think it's a lot bigger than the Cleveland Zoo. Everything is very attractive and well done, from the landscaping to the animal displays to the playground. The Cleveland Zoo is good, too, but the Cinci one raises it up a notch.

It was, as always, a lesson in how unpredictable children's interests are. We saw giraffes, elephants, monkeys, penguins, and more. We visited the petting zoo and Eleanor pet goats (one of which tried to eat my shirt). Even though Eleanor tired out pretty quickly, we did our best to fit in as much as possible.

So what was Eleanor's favorite part? Petting the snake. She made me go back to the snake lady several times. Snakes are not an animal that she has ever shown an interest in before, but maybe that will change now. And maybe, if she could have petted an elephant, they would have been her favorite. But the tactile experience, and being so close to the snake, definitely won her over.

I watch her openness to new experiences and marvel at how she takes everything in stride. I can't imagine being where she is: Why be intimidated by the new? Practically everything is new, and the majority of new experiences are good ones, so every day is an opportunity for a positive new adventure! Never petted a snake before? Let's do it! Why not?!?

I think about how resistant I am to change. For example, I always go to the same grocery store. I always start at the right end of the store, in the dairy section, and work my way across to the personal care products area. I like to go on Sunday afternoon or Monday—early in the week. When I can't get there by Monday night, it very likely throws off my entire week. For the most part, I buy the same brands, in the same quantities, to make the same recipes. And then I do it all over again the next week.

When did this happen? Will this happen to Eleanor too, or have I always been like this? Why did I look at the snake lady and think about how I'd rather be out of the heat, sipping an iced mocha with a book in my hand?

Some light afternoon reading

I decided to pick another couch picture ... because maybe that's a theme? In case you can't tell, I'm really trying to make up for the fact that my June post count is so dismal. My goal this year was to manage at least 10 posts/month (but of course, secretly, I tell myself I should do much better than that). I was doing quite well until all of my dithering about in June, and now I'm seriously behind!

So I'm doing what any semi-serious blogger does: finding some pictures that we've taken recently, and let the image do most of the talking.

Right, so, this is a picture I had to take the other week. Many times, Eleanor shuns her picture books and simple children's stories, opting instead for the adult books on the living room bookshelves. I don't entirely understand this, unless it's just a case of imitation? But if she was just imitating us reading, why doesn't she use her own books?

Unless, perhaps, she doesn't really equate her oversized books, heavy on pictures and light on text, with our smaller, text-only paperbacks. Whatever the reason, I love it and my heart melts every time she picks up a book and "reads" it. It's so important to me that Eleanor love reading, and I hope that this is a positive sign of a bibliophile in the making.

In the picture above, the angle is wrong so you can't get a good look at the book's cover. But not only does Eleanor choose adult books; she often settles on the ones in French, one of my college minors. (Of course, I made sure to put the French books I probably couldn't even read anymore in the living room, to impress all of our guests.) This is one of those books, Le Journal de Zlata, written by young girl in Sarajevo during the Bosnian War.

Another one of her favorites is a blue book with a fish on the cover. For many weeks, this was "Eleanor's book." When we went out to her clubhouse in the backyard, we would have to take her book and another one for me. We would go and sit in the clubhouse and "read." She would page quickly through her book.

I'd say, "How's your book, Eleanor?"

She'd nod, answering with an emphatic, "Good."

After a few minutes, she would insist that we trade books and she would "read" mine, too. Once all the reading was done, then the playing could commence.

I look forward to the days when we really are curled up, side-by-side, engrossed in our own book worlds. But even then, I'm sure these first pictures of Eleanor with a book in her hands will be special—a promise of the many happily ever afters to come.

Toddler Creativity

Why is it that kids never want to play with toys as they were intended? This is Eleanor one Saturday morning, wearing her "armor" that she donned (with some help from daddy). Of course, these were originally meant as building blocks. I don't think she's ever built anything with them; she just turns them into bracelets and wears them for her tea parties.

Why do we even bother getting them specific toys? Maybe, for her next birthday, we should just get an assortment of boxes, blank paper of various colors and sizes .... and what? Play dough? Maybe some cups. I think that should do it. And she'll be one happy little girl!

Comments or questions?

It seems ironic to make this a post instead of a comment, but I wanted to comment on commenting.

When I was crying out for positive feedback a week ago, several commentors promised to try harder to write more and better comments. But I swear I wasn't trying to guilt trip anyone into constantly writing on my blog. As long as I'm doing my job, you shouldn't have to provide the content :)

Jonathan mentioned not commenting with "I do that" or "That happened to me, too," but really I do like those kinds of comments. Those comments, and comments in general, do show that my writing has meaning for people and that's what I want to see.

Really, what I'm trying to say here is: Comments mean a lot to me. So if you would like to leave a short comment (or a novella) every once in awhile, I would like to see that. But if I talk to you or email and you also tell me that you enjoy what I write, that counts, too. Like some of my readers (Amy), I do a lot of my blog reading in Google Reader, and I don't post comments nearly as often as I should (say, on Jonathan's blog).

So I promise I'm not going to come back and chastise you all if, two weeks from now, I have many commentless posts. It took me 4 1/2 years of blogging before I felt the need to harangue my readers, so by that logic, you should be safe until 2015.

Now the question is, how many comments will a post about commenting receive? Or has it all been said?

And ... we're back!

Okay, I have to keep this short because today is Keith's birthday and he's been patiently waiting for me to get some grading out of the way before we relax and watch a movie.

But! It's already taken me too long to post this, so I didn't want to wait any longer. Thanks very much for the kind words in person and in the comments. I really did just need some assurance that this blog wasn't merely a vanity project, and I am connecting with some others "out there." You gave me that.

Bob also made a good point that I was underestimating how many times my blog has come up in conversation with family and friends in the "real world." I was discounting that when only focusing on the zero comments, and that was an oversight on my part. For the most part, I think my most regular readers and commentors are people that I know personally (in person? Not sure what the best phrase for that is.) So the fact that they don't comment doesn't necessarily mean anything, because they may have already emailed/called/talked in person about what I was writing. Except for Jonathan, whom I feel like I have met! (And would love to buy a pint someday, the next time we get to travel to the UK....)

So right. Didn't mean to leave you in suspense. The Gapenest will be back in all its glory, whatever that may be. And Laurie, I do enjoy writing the blog. So I appreciate your consideration of my enjoyment, too, but that's not a problem!

Now I just need to continue trying to find time to blog AND write for publication. But I'll tell you all about it as I go.

Why Blog?

Right, so. I wrote a post on June 4 ... and haven't been back in almost three weeks. I know this is very unlike me, and hasn't happened since Eleanor was just a wee babe. But I've been pondering.

To be honest, I was incredibly disappointed—even more so than I would have anticipated—that I poured my heart out about our problems with the lead paint, and ...



crickets. No one had any response to my concerns, despair, emotions over what was a very huge deal to me. One person did comment on the contractor aspect of it (thanks, Jonathan;) but that was all the response I got.

And it really stung. It absolutely made me take a step back. Why am I blogging? Initially I started blogging because I thought it would help me write on a more regular basis. But I've realized, over the years, that the writing I'm doing on the blog is really a separate beast from writing to be published. The entire process, from initial conception to actual drafting to the final piece, is different from what I would send out for publication.

But I thought there was another element to writing a blog. Even though it now seems like writing a blog actually takes away writing time from writing to publish, I still thought it was worth it because people read it. There's a connection between myself and my readers. There's a shared experience there that is worth pursuing. If someone reads my blog and finds something in it that makes her laugh, or that he empathizes with, or that makes her realize something about her own life .... then in that sense, it is equal to being published. It's the idea behind all writing: the sharing of ideas and emotions that connects people.

I've worked hard to keep my readers over the past few years. I may not have many of you, but those that I do, I appreciate! Thinking about "my adoring fans" (said completely tongue-in-cheek, of course) has helped me to keep thinking of new post ideas, and just generally has kept me writing.

But to put myself out there, in a way that is beyond what I would normally do .... and then get no response .... that has made me question my basic premise. Is that connection really there? Is anyone really reading? Is anyone getting anything out of this blog?

I know there's some people who read that don't often comment. But if you want me to keep writing this blog, now might be a good time to mention it. Because, honestly, I'm still on the fence. If people aren't reading and enjoying what I post, then I don't think a blog is worth it. I can jot a few ideas in a personal diary, and then spend most of my time working on pieces for publication. But if no one is getting anything out of this blog, then it might have reached its useful end.

The Sweet Sound of Distant Hammering

As I write this, Eleanor is napping in her crib. I am sitting on the porch swing, enjoying a warm breeze and sunshine. Since we found out about the lead last July, the side porch has been off-limits. But now with the siding and indoor/outdoor carpet, we can again swing in peace and tranquility.

We are done hiring contractors. The only lead abatement item left is stripping the two living room doors/frames that we weren't willing to replace. I've ordered some paint stripper and we are going to take care of that ourselves. (And of course, pictures will be posted!)

I said that we're done hiring contractors, and I desperately hope that's true. We are done with all the work that we were planning on. But of course, it's the unforeseen that always gets you!

But the contractors finished the siding in early May—just in time for my month off before summer semester started this week. It was perfect timing. I've greatly enjoyed being home with Eleanor, and again feeling safe and healthy in our home.

We did one more massive cleaning, top to bottom, after the contractors were done. Since then, we've let the cleaning slide a bit. We're not on a total cleaning strike, but I am enjoying the feeling that I can see a little bit of dust on a picture frame without worrying that I'm poisoning my child. Now that it feels like the danger has passed, I do want to institute a saner, gentler cleaning schedule. I'm sure I'll get around to that soon.

Eleanor's lead levels have been normal since last November, but she does get tested one more time, at her 2-year appointment in July. I feel like we've done everything we can to protect her since we realized the magnitude of the problem, but I will be reserving my final sigh of relief for when I hear her levels are still okay.

But for now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I'm enjoying being outside without guilt and fear. In particular, I'm enjoying that a house on the street behind ours is getting a new roof. I hear hammering, chatter, nailguns, the radio, and miscellaneous clatters. Which reminds me that we had our roof replaced the week before Eleanor was born. They finished on Saturday, and Eleanor was born on Sunday morning. So the whole contractor ordeal started even before she was born.

And now, it's over. Or at least hopefully on a long hiatus. Working on the garden around the deck felt like we were moving on. Getting back to projects that we wanted to work on, instead of being in disaster-containment mode. I know that the list of house projects never really ends. I just hope that, in the future, the projects are ones of our choosing, on our own timeline.

A Mother's Release: Permanent Solutions

When weighing our lead-abatement options, we had a county lead inspector come and look at our house. According to his findings, none of the interior paint was a problem. The only issue was the old windows and exterior paint on the house and garage. The soil right next to the house and garage was also contaminated.

Replacing the rest of the windows was a given—that we would find a different contractor was also a given. We also needed to do something about our 4 exterior doors, and then make the big decision: whether or not to install vinyl siding.

The two doors in the living rooms have gorgeous, beveled glass panes and would cost a fortune to replace. We tried to find someone who would strip them and repaint them, but didn't have much luck. While we continued to look at our options for those doors, last Fall we went ahead and hired someone to replace the two doors that don't face the road and that weren't particularly attractive.

It was a miracle! It was only a small job, but the contractor showed up on time, kept the work area very clean, and finished in a timely manner. So when it came time to get quotes on the rest of the replacement windows and possible siding or repainting, that contractor was at the top of the list.

We found all of our contractors on the list of state-certified lead abatement contractors. It was a pretty random, frustrating process. I'd search on the state's database for contractors with current lead abatement licenses. I'd get a lot of results that were irrelevant: contractors from all across the state (I couldn't figure out how to narrow it to just our area), or contractors who only did inspections and not actual abatement work. I had a goal: every week or so, I'd call 5 more contractors. Of those 5, 2 might never answer or call me back. Two might talk to me on the phone, but never get around to actually coming to the house. If I was lucky, 1 would actually come and look at the house and give me an estimate.

The estimates ranged from under $2o,000 to over $40,000. In the end, we did decide to get vinyl siding over our original wood siding. We preferred the look of the natural wood, but it was just not cost-effective or particularly safe to stick with the lead-painted wood. We would have to repaint at the very first sign of cracking, which meant a recurring cost every 3-5 years, instead of 5-10, which we had originally planned on. Plus, it would need to be lead-safe painting, where the painters put drop cloths on the ground to pick up every paint chip that falls so that it doesn't further contaminate the soil. The paint can't be dry-scraped, because that would also release lead dust, so the whole process would be much more time-consuming and, of course, costly. It just made more sense to get the vinyl siding now and be done worrying about it.

We also hadn't realized that we would need to replace our garage doors and windows. The garage and the doors were painted with the same paint, and any friction surface creates lead dust, so that added on to the total, too.

Unlike the first window replacements, everything became much simpler once we made our choices and hired a contractor. We used the same contractor who had replaced the two doors, and again they did an amazing job. They worked diligently, cleaned up every night, and the job was done in a few weeks. So although we've had some very bad contractor experience, at least now I feel like I have one contractor that I would want to call again!

A Mother's Torture: Cleaning

Before Eleanor's elevated lead levels (ELL), I had never really cared about dusting. Keith would notice if things were dusty before I would. I just never saw the dust gathering, and, therefore, certainly never did anything about it.

That particularly held true for the first year after Eleanor was born. I was wearing myself out, trying to keep up with everything, and enjoy time with Eleanor, AND get some sleep, too. Something had to go, and I made the conscious decision that housekeeping would be it. So there were tumbleweeds of dog hair blowing through the living room on occasion. So what? I just needed to stop running myself into the ground and let the house get a little messy. No one ever died from a little dust, right?

But post-ELL, everything changed. Suddenly, we were bombarded with information about how to clean our house, from top to bottom, and do it repeatedly. Once again, I felt overwhelmed with new information and incredibly frustrated. Why did I not hear anything about this before she tested above normal? Prior to the testing, anything I'd ever heard or read focused on incredibly expensive fixes—replacing windows and doors, installing vinyl siding over lead paint, removing tainted soil down to 2 feet and filling in with clean soil. We did what we could afford and what we thought was most urgent when we replaced the majority of the windows. But we couldn't afford to do all of it at once, so we stopped and kept our fingers crossed.

But just now, at this point, I'm learning about all of the low-tech solutions? Why the hell wasn't this info available before?!? If I had realized that the solution (at least a part-time one) could be so cheap and easy, of course I would have done it! Again, I blamed myself for not being well-informed. Somehow, I should have known this.... but now, nearly a year later, I wonder. I have an MA in English. I and my web developer husband spend a lot of time online. In my prior hours of searching for lead poisoning prevention, if I had never really come across this information, then surely it's not just me?

And thus, our cleaning purgatory began. In the short-term, we closed all of the old windows, never to be opened again. We forbid wearing shoes in the house, since they could track in lead-contaminated dirt. That patio project last August? That was to cover up the bare ground outside the house that was Beckett's landing spot off the back porch, because bare soil is a big "no no." We took down nearly all of the blinds in the house, because blinds hold a lot of dust. The only blinds that are still up are in the bedrooms, and those were washed and re-hung.

While we started looking at all of the expensive long-term solutions mentioned above, we cleaned exhaustively and repeatedly. At first we were advised to use Dawn powdered dishwasher detergent because, for some reason, it picks up lead dust particles better than your average cleaner. So we did use that for a few weeks, but then switched to our regular cleaners based on the advice from the lead inspector who said it wasn't necessary to keep using them on a regular basis.

The cleaning schedule went through many revisions. At first, we tried to clean the house from top to bottom, every week. This takes a serious amount of time and effort. Think of every knickknack on every surface of your house. If you have kids, picture all of the toys on every floor. Now imagine handling every single one of those items, carefully washing them down to get rid of any possible dust ... doesn't leave much free time, does it?

Additionally, we stopped sweeping because sweeping could kick up lead dust, and instead we started used our HEPA-filter vacuum everywhere. The main problem with this switch is that it meant we couldn't clean while Eleanor was sleeping. We could wipe down surfaces, but the vacuuming would have to wait and, therefore, so would the mopping.

A few times, Eleanor spent the night at my parents, which gave Keith and I a whole day to clean. It felt like the only way we could get it done. By the end of the day, we would be exhausted and frustrated. Was it even doing any good?!? We had implemented so many changes—how could we know which ones were effective? Was it really the monotonous cleaning, or was it simply the fact that we closed the old windows, and all of the cleaning wasn't really necessary? There was no way of knowing, and we didn't want to take any chances.

It quickly became apparent that we couldn't keep up with cleaning the entire house on a weekly basis. Plus, it was pretty hard to believe that a significant amount of lead dust was entering every floor, all the time, especially once it got colder and we closed all the windows. By this past Spring, the cleaning schedule had changed to:

• The first floor vacuumed and mopped every week
• One other floor vacuumed and mopped each week
• The additional floor also has all hard surfaces wiped down

So one week we might vacuum and mop the first and second floors, and then wipe down everything on the second floor. We moved from basement one week, to first floor the next, then to second floor and attic. That meant each floor was getting extensively cleaned once a month. We felt like it was a decent compromise between our original, massive amount of cleaning, and a more reasonable schedule that still left us feeling like our home was relatively dust-free.

Of course, all of this was just an interim solution while we figured out what the long-term solution would be, and how we would pay for it.

A Mother's Confession About This Old House

If you were looking carefully at the landscaping, you might have noticed some other changes around the house.

When buying an older home, we knew that lead paint could be an issue. But what did that mean, exactly? Where was the lead paint? How much of an issue? Since lead has been outlawed in paint since 1978, surely it had been resolved by now, right?

And then, when we were painting the nursery, we used an at-home lead paint tester and discovered that all of the old windows were testing positive. This completely threw me off balance. At this point, I think I was already 7 months pregnant. There was no way we could figure out a solution and have it implemented before the baby was born.

We did our best, but I felt completely overwhelmed. No matter how much research I did, I still didn't feel like I really understand what was needed. I kept trying to get companies out to test everything around the house and tell us our options, but it didn't go well. Some refused to do any residential work. Many just didn't call me back. One company sent a guy out who looked around, told me we should probably replace all of the windows, took a soil sample, and never called back.

I felt underinformed, in over my head, and like I was swimming in a sea of knowledge and experts without actually having a clue about what was useful, relevant information.

We did the best we could. We found a local contractor to replace the majority of the windows, and took out two loans to do it.

He was horrible. I've already blogged bitterly about this experience here and here. It was just such an awful experience, and it dragged on for over a year .... which was, of course, the first year of Eleanor's life.

And then, after Eleanor's one-year well visit, we found out that she had an elevated lead level.

When we got the phone call with the results, I was so shocked and horrified. And, instantaneously, so very, very guilty. This was my innocent baby that, through shoddy, ineffective parenting, I had allowed to ingest poison. I think I spent the next week in tears. It was constantly weighing on me. Everyone knows that lead is a hazard; how could I not have known exactly what to do to protect her? How could I let this happen? What kind of defective mother am I?

So yeah, you can understand why it's taken me nearly a year to admit it publicly, that my daughter had an elevated lead level (ELL). It's been this deep, dark secret that I carry around with me, that I think about every time someone compliments me as a mother. I smile and nod, but inside I'm thinking, "You might think I'm a good mother now, but if only you knew the truth ..."

Here's the good news: Eleanor is okay now. A normal blood lead level is <3 micrograms of lead/deciliter of blood. What is concerned the "Action Level" by the CDC is 10mg/L or more. At it's peak (that we know of), Eleanor's was a 7. So she was in the "warning" stage, and wasn't actually considered poisoned. A month later, she was down to a 4, and by her 15-month appt, she was back at the normal level.

The bad news, and what I will always have to live with, is that we are not meant to have any lead in our systems at all, and there is no safe level. We will never know how even that brief exposure has affected her brain's development. If she ever has a learning disability or even is a particularly unruly teenager, it could be caused by the lead. I'll never know.

And we'll never know what caused the elevated lead level. Were the original windows the culprit? Or did replacing them make things even worse? Even though we made it clear to the degenerate window contractor that we were doing this because of lead paint concerns, I know now that he didn't take any of the precautions he should have to prevent lead dust from contaminating the work environment. You know: Eleanor's nursery, playroom, living room--all the rooms where she spends the most time. Is it his fault? Or is it our fault, because we didn't replace all of the windows? Did she just chew on some defective toy from China? We have no idea.

All we do know for certain is that her level was elevated, and there will always be a risk with that. We didn't do enough before she was born. We've done everything we could since to remedy the situation (but I'll get more into that in the next post). I am now fully aware of how impossible it is to be the perfect parent. No matter how hard we try, I have to believe that some failure is inevitable. A letting down of the guard here or a misstep there. I can only hope that I do enough things right to make up for that.

Landscaping Project: After BONUS!

So the main project was definitely the backyard, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much better the front looks, too. Both in back and in front, we've been working slowly on making changes over the years. Here's what the house looked like when we bought it:

First, Keith took out the overgrown bushes by the steps. My Mom gave me some irises which have filled in the space nicely. My sister gave me some amaryllis bulbs; they really need more sunlight that they get by the big bushes, but they are surviving. We tore up the weed barrier and got rid of the large wood chips that were down‐I much prefer living ground cover to a blank canvas. Therefore, I've been trying to coax myrtle to cover the planting beds, with limited success so far.

We put railings in for safety purposes, because the front steps are really too tall to not have a railing, but they also added a bit of visual interest to the entrance. Finally, this year, we split our enormous hostas to take them to the back, but also kept a few of the new plants to even out the front. Lucky for us, our neighbor was also thinning out his daylilies, so we grabbed some of those, too. Here's the new and improved version:



We still need to cut the bushes on the right way back, which has been part of the problem all along. There's no symmetry between the two sides, because those bushes on the right just totally overwhelm the smaller hydrangea bush on the left. I don't want to move the hydrangea and risk killing it, so I'm thinking of adding some height to that side with a small, ornamental tree.

Anyway ... I do like that gardening is an ongoing process. We're certainly not finished yet, but I like what we've done so far!

Landscaping Project: After

After a solid two days of work, I do humbly declare that our deck/patio area has been transformed!




We've talked about this for such a long time and I'm really excited that it's actually done. Now I'm just paranoid that the plants that we put in are going to die and we'll be back at square one. It is a bit more of a gamble than building with inanimate materials or slapping on some paint.

One of the nice things about this project is that we bought a few plants, but a lot of them were just transplants from the front. We had one ridiculously large hosta (the green leaves edged in white) that I've been meaning to split for years. So we finally did, and every hosta plant in the pictures above with white-edged leaves is from that ONE original plant. We turned it into 9 separate plants, total, including two still in the front of the house. Then we split another blue/green hosta into three plants, and completely took out a second blue/green hosta, split it, and used that, too. So every hosta now in the back came from the front garden.

My parents helped immensely; my dad drove the mulch-transportation truck and helped shovel, and my mom kept Eleanor busy so that we could finish everything up. We owe them some hard labor! There's no way we could have finished any of these projects without help from my family. It's a good thing to live near family.

Now we'll just have to have a fabulous backyard cookout to say "thanks!" And of course, there's the rest of the yard ....
...to worry about next year.

Landscaping Project: Before

The summer projects have started! For Mother's Day, Keith took me to the garden center and we picked out some plants for the backyard, right behind the house. It's always been a wasteland; I don't know if it's too shady or that we've been working out there, but it's just packed dirt. Nothing grows there!

When we first moved to this house in June 2006, there was REALLY nothing in the backyard:

Just some patchy grass and a small flower garden next to the garage. But behind the house: nothing.

In August 2007, Keith and my Dad built the deck:

Of course, it looked a little odd because it wasn't actually attached to the house at all. Between the deck and the house is the air conditioner, so it wasn't even really an option to put it against the house. So last summer, we added on a patio that connected the deck to the house. It really helped tie everything together.

At that point, the major building portion of backyard landscaping was complete. Everything we'd really talked about wanting was done. It was just the total lack of plantscape that we needed to focus on.

So this past weekend, we did! Here's the "before" pictures. You can get an idea of how it's going to look, because we had placed some of the plants around the deck, in their future homes:



And of course, you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the "after" pictures, because I like the suspense and anticipation.

Sugar-Free Again. Maybe.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm really trying hard to cut down on the amount of refined sugar I eat. I want to be healthier, have more energy, spend less money on junk food, and be a good role model for Eleanor. And if I should happen to lose weight in the bargain ... it's all to the good!

It seems like a no-brainer, but of course it's been very challenging. This isn't the first time I've tried to clean up my eating habits, although I'm still hoping it will be the last. I have a serious problem with weekends, and special plans. I always feel like, "It's not every day that I have a birthday party/go to a baseball game/go on a date with Keith/etc," so I feel justified, in this one instance, to treat myself. But then the one instance turns into 2, into a day, into the entire weekend, and then I spend the next week struggling to get back to where I had been the week before. Most of the time it feels like one step forward, two steps back. Or, more appropriately, one pound lost and two pounds gained.

So why am I writing about this again? Do I really have anything new to say?

What is new is my perspective. I am acknowledging that this is a long-term process. And I'm probably going to have cheat days or binges or fall off the wagon many times. But I am going to keep trying. Because I do think that it's an important change to make, for me and my family. I'm not going to see myself as a failure because of one bad weekend, or week, or fortnight .... and one day, I will stop writing about my eating habits because there will be no more angst there!



(Probably not too soon though, so don't get your hopes up.)

On the Road Again

After months of staying close to home, this weekend we're heading back down to Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky for Keith's brother and sister-in-law's baby shower.

The long car trip is another checkmark in the "vastly improved" column. The first trip down after Eleanor was born was such a nightmare. She was less than 2 months old, I think. I know that I was still breastfeeding, and we had to stop all the time for that, and she cried and didn't want to be in her carseat.... those kids, that magically fall asleep every time they're in a moving car? Eleanor has never been one of those. She might sleep for a bit, but not the whole time. The roughly 4-hour trip took at least 6 hours the first time.

Then we started trying to drive at night, when she was ready to go to sleep. At bedtime we would put on her pjs and buckle her into her carseat. It worked as far as the actual driving part went. But it also meant we got there at 1 or 2 in the morning and, as soon as the car stopped, her eyes popped open. She was AWAKE! And didn't want to go to sleep anytime soon. So even though the drive was shorter, we ended up more tired and crabby than before.

Finally, maybe in December?, we gave up on trying to fit the trip around Eleanor's schedule and just drove when it made sense. Keith might take a half-day or skip lunch and leave work an hour early. We leave Cleveland mid-afternoon, and get to Keith's parents' house in time for dinner. Eleanor sleeps for part of the time, and part of the time it's my job to entertain her.

I think Keith really likes this part of it, because he has been the main driver for the entire time we've been together. I used to sleep, listen to a story, knit a little bit .... but he was doing the majority of the work. Now, sometimes it seems like driving is the easy part!

So yes, I may be making a fool out of myself in the backseat. But it's worth it. And it's so much easier to keep Eleanor entertained now; she actually seems to enjoy the ride! (For 15 minutes, at least.)

When I was thinking about it this week, I was shocked to realize that I wasn't dreading the trip, as I used to. Even before Eleanor, it felt long and incredibly boring. Anyone who has driven I-71 through Ohio will agree that it's a long, dull stretch of highway. But the regular 4ish hour trip doesn't seem so long anymore, compared to the nightmare 6+ hours of her babyhood. Plus, call me crazy, but it actually feels like a little bit of family time. We're all hanging out together. Keith and I get to talk quietly while she's sleeping, which doesn't happen too often. Eleanor can't order him out of the room, as she's won't to do sometimes in the evening when she's fussy. It's the three of us, together, in our own little moving world.

I think this means it's time for a family roadtrip!

Mother's Day

Keith really stepped up his game for Mother's Day this year. I was impressed last year when he gave me the Willow Tree figurine, but this year was even better.

Of course, he let me sleep in—standard operating procedure for Mother's Day! I could only stay in bed for about a half-hour, though, before the sounds of Eleanor and Keith's talk and laughter (and Eleanor yelling, "Mommy, come!") lured me downstairs.

Keith cooked a delicious breakfast and we all played together in the living room. After a while, though, Keith looked at the clock and said, "We should probably get going soon."

Going? We were going somewhere?!? This was intriguing.

Eleanor and I got dressed and we all hopped into the car. Keith assured me we didn't need any diaper bag or snacks for Eleanor, which concerned me. Leave the house without the diaper bag?!? But I listened to him and, what do you know!, he was right.

He drove us around the corner, to the local garden center. He said that he knew I'd been talking a lot (A LOT) about wanting to plant in the flower bed behind the house and around the deck. So he decided to make it happen!

I love that he listens to what I actually want. I'm not really a chocolate and jewelry kind of woman, and he knows that. When we had been dating for a month, he gave me a teddy bear for my birthday. I smiled wanly and thanked him, because I appreciated the thought. But when he gave me a Dayplanner for my birthday 3 years later, I knew we'd come a long way.

Thanks for a wonderful Mother's Day, Keith!