Remember the pre-baby days, when I was so diligent about posting regularly? Ah, seems like so long ago!
Since October 13, I've posted one time, just to officially announce to the world that the baby had indeed been born. So 8 posts over two weeks, and 1 post in the following two weeks.
What is interesting to me, however, is why I haven't been posting. It's not the sleep deprivation or general business of taking care of a newborn and toddler. I've actually had a lot of help since coming home from the hospital. First, Keith was off for two weeks. As an added bonus, Keith's parents swung by and picked up Eleanor on their way to a family wedding in New York City the weekend after Declan was born, so from Thursday mid-morning through Sunday evening, it was just Keith, Declan, and me. I think we got dressed about 2 o'clock in the afternoon and put our pajamas back on again by 7 o'clock at night.
Since Keith went back to work yesterday, Keith's mom has been my significant other:) I think she's spent more time watching both kids at one time than I have! We've had people bringing us food, offering play dates for Eleanor, and buying us diapers. I had forgotten how helpful everyone is when a new baby arrives.
Of course, even with all the help in the world, it is still a lot of work. I'm breastfeeding, so right there that's several hours a day (and night) that no one can really help with. And Eleanor wants Mommy to read her stories and tuck her in and help her in the bathroom and just generally to pay attention to her. And I need to get some sleep and brush my hair every once in a while.
And yet, even though I've spent all this time talking about how time-consuming it is, I've realized over the past two weeks that lack of time isn't what's keeping me from posting. I've had many, many different ideas for blog posts in my mind, and I've started composing one or two .... but I never get past a sentence or so. We've sat and watched TV and movies for hours over the past two weeks, but I haven't written a blog post because I can't concentrate enough to actually write.
Maybe this shouldn't be such a surprise, but it has been to me. I assumed that, last time, I didn't blog because I didn't have the time. Eleanor and I had so many problems with breastfeeding that I was probably spending literally 19-20 hours a day trying to feed her or wake her up to feed her or pumping to increase my milk supply. Blogging was the last thing on my mind. Make that next-to-last; there was nothing happening in the bedroom except exhausted sleep and a crying baby.
So this time, with all of the help and easier breastfeeding, I thought that I would pick up blogging again with no problem. But I can't stay focused long enough to start and finish a blog post. Even this post, which is pretty long for me, seems to take a long time to get to the point. I find myself wondering, "Do I even need everything at the beginning? Shouldn't I revise it? Tighten it up? Get rid of unneeded material and craft a better intro?"
But there's no time or mental energy for the craft of composing. I am writing, and I am going to post this, but I'm afraid that it's not going to be my best post ever. Maybe I need to work on just posting something for now, and get back to the whole entire process of writing and revising and polishing later, as I start to settle into a routine and get more sleep.
It always comes back to more sleep.