February Update

Still here! We're all settling into our post-holidays routine. Well, some of us are. Declan hasn't been very good about sleeping through the night. I'm not saying he has to sleep 10 hours straight (although that would be nice ...), but after about a week of only waking up once in 7 hours, he's now gone back to waking up and eating every 2 hours at night. Not cool! Like many facets of baby behavior, I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope that this development fades away soon.

Something I never got around to mentioning earlier is that I am teaching this semester. I was on the fence about whether I was ready to go back or not. I told my department coordinator it would only make sense for me, fiscally, if I had an evening or online class so we didn't have to pay for childcare. At first there wasn't anything like that available, and I was equal parts disappointed and relieved. But then an evening class opened up, so now on Tuesdays and Thursdays I give Keith a quick kiss when he gets home from work, hand over the kids, and run out the door. I've really been enjoying it! They're a good class and it's a nice change of pace from being a SAHM. It's gratifying to do something that isn't undone a few hours later (changing diapers, washing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making meals). I think it's a lot harder on Keith, though, to come home after being at work/commuting for 10 hours, to then be charge of the kids for nearly 3 hours. It wouldn't be that bad, except Declan has made it clear that he doesn't approve of this arrangement. We're both keeping our fingers crossed that he changes his mind soon, or at least stops protesting so vociferously, because if he keeps this up I think Keith might need a hearing aid by the end of the semester.

I think those are the only major developments. Our winter has been very mild, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues! When I need to get out of the house, I usually take Beckett on walks around the block (a mile). I've been much more prone to that since the snow melted and hasn't really come back. Plus, Eleanor has ridden her tricycle with us the past two times. I've been so impressed with her, riding for a whole mile! She's so motivated; not once has she asked me to carry her or push her along. Sometimes she needs one or two pushes to get over cracks, uphill, etc, but just for a few seconds and then she's off again. Watching her race ahead of me, it's almost like I see her growing up before my very eyes.

Yesterday she wanted something with her lunch. "After all," she reminded me, "I'm almost 4 years old."

I know, sweetheart. It will be here before we know it! And then, suddenly, you'll be 33 and living in a purple house and a professional ballet dancer, just like you're planning. Life changes so fast!

Our Family Christmas

Once we made it through the hustle and bustle of buying, making, baking, wrapping, cleaning, cooking, decorating, and re-buying things I forgot or ran out of (like wine), our Christmas was good.

We had so much fun because this was the first year that Eleanor really got it. She knew all about Santa Claus. We decorated gingerbread houses, baked cookies, bought special Christmas outfits for the kids, visited Santa, bought presents for her immediate family and wrapped them. She loved all of it.

One of our favorite Christmastime activities this year was an interactive Advent calendar by Jacqui Lawson that my Mom sent us. There's a couple options, but we got the London one since Keith and I have fond memories of that city. There was no temptation to skip ahead, since it only lets you open that day's door and previous days. We also had a "real" paper Advent calendar that we opened at dinner with Keith, but Eleanor and Declan and I would open the computer Advent calendar first thing in the morning. Then Eleanor would spent the next 10-20 minutes opening old days or the same day over and over again. It was a cute calendar that brought back fond memories of my time in England, and it was also a nice way to ease into the day.

Christmas Eve we hosted a small family gathering in the afternoon. In the past we've had it later, but with the kids and the fact that I like to fit in church service at some point, it seemed easier to have it in the afternoon and then everyone could disperse to any other gatherings/activities they desired. It did feel lower maintenance to have it in the afternoon, and to serve the food buffet style instead of a sit-down meal.

Before I knew it, our open house party was over and Mom, Eleanor, and I headed to the traditional Christmas Eve service at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Cleveland. Keith and Eleanor and I have been to the church several times before Declan was born (that's a whole different post) and I really like their approach to religion and spirituality. I was a little leery of a Christmas Eve service there, however; there's not many parts of traditional religion that I like, but I have always loved Christmas Eve carol services. It seems like the month of December and the actual holiday pass by so quickly, I really value attending the Christmas Eve service and taking an hour to calm down, breathe deeply, and think about family and what the holiday really means to me. So although I wasn't sure what to think beforehand, it was a lovely service--traditional, true to their word--in that there were plenty of Christmas carols and the story of Jesus's birth. Yet untraditional when the homily mentions, "Some Christians believe that Jesus was the Son of God incarnate" and they mention that the Christian advent wreath is based on the pagan wheel of fire.

So I did enjoy the Christmas Eve service, as always. Then we went back home, my parents and older sister stayed a little while after Eleanor went to bed and then they headed home themselves. Keith and I took turns holding Declan and wrapping presents, and finally got to bed around midnight.

Our first (and best) Christmas present was when Eleanor AND Declan both slept in until 9 o'clock on Christmas morning. The next best moment was hearing Eleanor call, "Is it morning time? I want to go look and see if Santa left us presents!" and watching her eyes light up as she opened presents. We took the present opening very slowly, letting Eleanor set the pace as she opened a present and really looked at it and even started playing with a few before moving onto the next present. Even taking our time, Eleanor got worn out. We'd saved the Santa presents for last and she had one more to open when she called a halt to the proceedings.

We stared at her incredulously. "Do you want to wait until after breakfast to open your last present?" we asked. She confirmed her intentions and we trooped off to breakfast.

Halfway through breakfast Eleanor suddenly sat up and said, "I never got my ballerina fairy baby doll!" She'd gotten everything else that she'd asked Santa for, but not that.

"Well, you have one more present," I reminded her. "Do you want to go open it?"

We got up from the table and ran back into the living room where she opened her final present, triumphantly holding her ballerina (not fairy) baby doll aloft.

The rest of Christmas Day passed in a pleasant haze of delicious food, good company, and relaxation. We played with Eleanor's toys, held Declan, opened presents with my family, and watched as much of A Christmas Story as we could fit in between other activities. I also really enjoyed Boxing Day, when Keith slept in and Eleanor, Declan and I came down to the living room in our pajamas and spent several hours opening and playing with her toys.

Our first Christmas as a family of four was a fabulous success. I'm already so excited for next year, when Declan is 14 months old and Eleanor can help even more with the baking and decorating and present-buying. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Crafty Christmas

I've found that there's a spectrum of Christmas gift-giving through which I move, depending on my mood and our financial situation. The year that Eleanor was born, and again this year, I've made most of our Christmas gifts. My thought is that I'm home all the time, and we don't have a lot of extra cash.

And yet, I spend so much money on all the craft supplies .... I wonder if doing all of this extra work is even saving any money?!? Of course, I do enjoy making gifts, which is part of the motivation, but it's still a lot of time and effort. I promised myself that, this year, I would actually write down everything I spend instead of just guesstimating. This way, if I spend just as much as I would have if I had bought presents, next year I will buy online with no feelings of guilt.

One place my gift-giving spectrum never goes is to the malls. I have no desire to shop in overpriced stores with cookie cutter inventory. If I'm not making my gifts, I'm most likely buying them online via Etsy or Amazon, or in person at Target or discount stores like Marshall's and Tuesday Morning (that's where nearly all of Eleanor's and Declan's gifts came from this year).

I'd like to post links to some of the items we (Keith helped a lot!) made this year, but since we haven't exchanged gifts yet with Keith's family, I can't really do that. Instead, pictured is the
no-sew tutu I meant to make for Eleanor. I even bought the supplies, but ran out of time. I guess it will be a random, Thursday morning in February gift, whenever I get around to making it. Incomplete crafts: The gifts that just keep on giving!

Missed Moments: Halloween

You can tell when Eleanor started picking her own Halloween costumes. Her first two Halloweens she was a pirate and a sushi chef. Then last year she was a (pink) ballerina and this year she was a (pink) fairy princess. She had told me she was just going to pick out something from her regular dress-up clothes to wear, which was fine with me.

But then we were shopping at a discount store and I found a pink fairy costume for only $5. It looked like $5 was a fair price for the flimsy dress, plastic wings, and bent crown. But it also only had to last one night, right? We bought it, I let her try it on once at home, and then we put it away to heighten the anticipation (and keep it intact) until Halloween.

What struck me most about Halloween, and about the first few weeks following Declan's birth, was that life continued on pretty normally. After Eleanor was born our world was turned upside-down, inside-out, and any other phrase indicating a complete and total break from life before baby. I know it was partly because she was our first born, and going from married couple to parents is a big change. Even if you have pets; sorry, it just doesn't compare.

But another reason life with Eleanor had been so challenging is that we had a lot of problems with feeding her. She didn't want to eat and she wasn't reliably gaining weight. (Sometimes she would do fine, and then sometimes she plateaued, which little babies are not supposed to do.) All she really wanted to do was sleep, which her doctors told us was not allowed. So we would spend hours trying to wake her up and night and get her to eat, with very little success. On top of that, I was also pumping to try and increase my milk supply, and her feedings could easily take an hour at least. I think it would not be an exaggeration to say that, for the first few weeks, I was spending nearly 20 hours a day trying to feed her or in feeding-related activities. It was awful.

After a while we calmed down and things got better. We started letting her sleep through the night (rather than go against medical advice, we just assumed she was old enough and stopped asking the doctors if it was okay) and that improved everyone's disposition a LOT. We figured out a feeding system that worked for us, and I stopped relying on the scale to tell me if I was succeeding or failing as a parent. Eleanor was old enough that she could tell us how things were going, and she was a very happy, smiley baby.

This time around, I've done a much better job of ignoring the scale from day one. We went in for a few lactation consultations, and I specifically requested they NOT weigh him, so I couldn't obsess over the numbers (nor could they). I'm not perfect, and I nearly had a breakdown at his two-month appointment a few days ago because I thought he hadn't gained enough weight. The 15 minutes between getting him weighed and hearing the doctor say he was fine were self-imposed torture. But I NEVER voluntarily weigh him, and I'm doing a much better job of letting Declan tell me if he's hungry.

So anyway, this relates to Halloween because it was a mere two weeks after Declan was born and instead of being lost in some weird baby vortex, separated physically and mentally from the normal world, we were just getting on with things. Making and eating dinner at a reasonable hour, getting Eleanor to preschool, and enjoying her first Halloween where she trick-or-treated with friends.

Of course, her friends live down the block, and we still didn't even make it off the block before she called it quits. But we got to walk around with the other parents and watch the kids run eagerly up to every house. I felt like part of the regular world, even if I was getting up two times a night to feed the baby. At least this baby wakes up and cries, eats, and goes back to sleep. How amazing!

Said baby stayed at home during trick-or-treating, cuddled in Grandma Karen's arms while she handed out candy. But next year! Next year he will be a sushi chef or race car driver ... just preferably something not pink.

Easy as Pie! Holiday Cooking

I'm sitting on the couch, holding a sleeping baby in my arms, and staring at the front covers of the magazines on our coffee table because it would be too much work to actually hold one and read it. Plus, even if I tried, Declan would wake up or the phone would ring or Eleanor would need help on the potty .... the interruption possibilities are endless.

Anyway, the front cover of the latest Cooking Light declares "Easy-as-Pie: Open House Menu." I think the title is a bit misleading because I read that article last week, and I'm pretty sure there's no pie involved. Surely there must be an unwritten rule of food writing that states you can't use common food expressions like "easy as pie" or "piece of cake" or "tougher than grandma's overdone turkey" unless said food is actually relevant to the topic. Otherwise, you just confuse people.

However, the topic of holiday cooking reminds me of the many Cooking Light recipes we've used and enjoyed since we moved into our house and actually started cooking for the holidays, 5 years ago. Here's some of our favorites:

• Coconut Biscotti: a big change from most other sugary holiday cookies, and delicious dunked in hot tea!
• Last year we made Rosemary Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Shallots for Thanksgiving, and they were a big hit. This was our first experience cooking with shallots, wherein we discovered that they are absolutely delicious and really freakin' expensive.
  
• This year, we opted for a much sweeter (but still delicious) recipe in the Streuseled Sweet Potato Casserole. Another bonus with this one is that it's easy to make the day before and just bake on the big day.
• My favorite, which I insist on making every year whether anyone else wants it or not, is the Cranberry, Cherry, and Walnut Chutney. Fresh cranberries are delicious!
  
• Speaking of cranberries, for dessert last year Keith made the Cranberry Swirl Cheesecake. I think we may make it again this year. Especially now that we know it needs to chill for a day to set. Whoops!
  

The Present Situation

I know that Eleanor's birthday party was weeks ago, but I'm still thinking about a few of the kid-related party issues that come up every year. So indulge me, please, as I reflect on her party, and whether we want to do things differently next year.

So far, we've thrown pretty big parties for her. We invite family on both sides, lots of her friends and their parents, and some of our own friends as well. For Eleanor's 3rd birthday, there were almost 30 adults present, and 11 kids (all under the age of 5). We're always pretty excited that we've made it through another year, and we want to share that joy—and surprise—with our friends and family.

However, with inviting so many people, I always feel awkward about presents. There's a range of relationships represented, and I don't really feel that it's necessary for everyone to give her a present. Her grandparents always ask for ideas weeks in advance, and get her the best presents (better than ours, for sure). I'd never really bother telling them not to get her anything, because it would be fruitless. On the other hand, there's more casual acquaintances that we'd like to come and celebrate with us, but I wish there were a better/less awkward way to really convey to them, "We don't expect a gift. Honest. No one will be upset."

Every year, we put "No gifts required." on the Evite, but mostly it gets ignored. The other part of the problem is when people actually believe us. We have done the typical kid party sequence where everyone hangs out for an hour or so, chatting, grazing, playing, waiting for the majority of party attendees to show. (Although with kid parties and naptimes, I'm not really bothered if someone shows up more than an hour late.) When we think everyone's arrived, we gather together to light the candles, sing "Happy Birthday" and pass out the cake. Once everyone has their cake, then Eleanor opens her presents.

How do we not do this as a public spectacle? Because when we do, it can seem kind of awkward for those few brave souls who come without a present in hand, because we say "Don't worry about it!" on one hand, and on the other hand it seems like we're publicly calling them out for their lack of gift. I thought this year we would go around and open up presents in front of individual people so it was less public spectacle and more personal. That way everyone could see the reaction to her opening the gift (fingers crossed it's always good!), but by moving around hopefully there's not as much emphasis on the present-opening as show, so people aren't keeping track or feeling awkward about what they did or didn't bring.

Except, that didn't really work. I didn't really take into account that all of the presents would be in a pile right by her seat, and she just kept diving in. Plus other kids always love to help (I must point out, Eleanor is always that kid at others' parties, trying to rip the paper or pull out the tissue paper), so it was Eleanor and I plus various toddler helpers, and our group was not terribly mobile. So we still ended up sitting in front of the group, opening presents in front of all.

What do you do for kids' parties? Does everyone bring presents? Do you open them in front of all? As a guest, do you ever feel comfortable not bringing a present, even if specified on the invite?

I'm thinking next year might be the year to scale back a bit, and have Eleanor's first "friends" birthday party with just a few invitees. But, when the time gets close, I'm not sure if I'll be able to stick to that. So we might be confronting the situation all over again. Not to mention, we're doing it all over again in October!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Eleanor!

In all the talk about lead paint, I never really mentioned Eleanor's third birthday. She turned 3 over a week ago, and her birthday party was last Saturday.

She is such a wonderful, amazing little girl. And absolutely a girl now, not a baby. I think once toddlers start saying things like, "Apparently, there's a sunflower in the vase!" as she did on the day of her party, they really are closer to being a Kid than a Baby. And, in just over a month, she'll be starting Preschool. A clear milestone in the growth of her independence.

Thinking about her birth is even more poignant this year, because I'm also thinking about the upcoming birth in October. Getting excited to meet this new, amazing person who will be every bit as wonderful and challenging—in different ways, I'm sure. It's been such a joy to get to know Eleanor's personality so far. In many ways, being pregnant for the second time seems much more concrete to me because I can really understand that those movements I feel are a person. A person who will one day voice thoughts and opinions of his/her own (probably sooner than I'm expecting, if anything like Eleanor!).

I look forward to every day with Eleanor, and I can't wait to see her become a big sister!

Photo Challenge: Rural

Keith's greatest challenge this week was actually not finding something rural, but dealing with a recalcitrant, sugar-high toddler.

When he read that this week's Shutterboo Photo Challenge would be "rural," he knew immediately where he would head to take some pictures. Even though we live in an inner-ring suburb of Cleveland, we only have to drive 20 minutes East to find ourselves surrounded by parkland, trees, and rural-ness? Rural-osity? A pastoral landscape.

Keith and Eleanor headed out on Easter Sunday, late morning. It was a very gray and rainy day—so pretty much, like any day around here for the past few weeks. But it wasn't the weather that Eleanor had a problem with. She was in sugar-withdrawal and very tired. We had celebrated Easter with my family on Saturday, and she really was adorable in her dress.

That girl loves to dress up. What do you want to wear? A dress! A fancy dress? Even better! But it's the BEST if there's also tights and fancy shoes and not just one, but TWO ponytails! (I can't call them pigtails because that confuses her.)

She had a wonderful time showing off her dress (and tights/shoes/etc.), and playing with Gavin during the Easter egg hunt and blowing bubbles after dinner. And did I mention the candy? I'm sure I don't even know how much sugar she ate, and I'm equally as certain that I don't want to know because I would be horrified.

So we had a wonderful time. But we got home late and she was, shall we say, reluctant to go to bed. Even though she fell asleep nearly 2 hours later than normal, she still woke up at a normal time on Sunday. She was tired and cranky because she kept asking for things (SUGAR) and we kept saying no. Why can't she have sugar before breakfast? For breakfast? All the time? What about now? How come she never EVER gets to eat chocolate?!?

I got a break while Keith and Eleanor went to take photos. (I was grading, so it wasn't much of a break. But still, there was no whining.) Usually Eleanor delights in accompanying Keith on his photo jaunts. The old schoolhouse he photographed for the challenge "Past" is on our way to the grocery store, and now every time we're approaching it she says, "That's the school Daddy and I took pictures of!"

But sugar monster Eleanor was not having it. She didn't want to get out of the car because it was raining. She then fell asleep for about 15 minutes in the car, which meant she refused to take a real nap when she got home. Keith put her down at a typical naptime of around 12:30, but she didn't fall asleep until after 3. Sugar monster Eleanor is stubborn.

In the end, Keith did manage to crop and color boost his way to a good-looking rural photo, even though he only had about 6 pictures to choose from. And we all learned a valuable lesson about staying away from refined sugar. Of course, having said that, we still have leftover Easter candy in the house that sometimes I think about just throwing away, but of course instead I throw into my mouth every once in a while when I pass by the bowl. I always thought that I kept Eleanor away from sugar for health reasons. I didn't also realize how important Eleanor's lack of sugar is to my sanity!

The Comfort of a Pillow Pet

Eleanor's friend down the street gave her a pillow pet for Christmas.

(Short digression: I really haven't written about Christmas, and I'm not really sure why. It was wonderful, we had a great time, we all got many lovely gifts. So I'm not sure why I've just not felt like writing about it. Maybe because it's over and I just need to accept that? But anyway, maybe I'll get around to Christmas in February or something.)

The pillow pet was one of the first gifts that Eleanor got, and is one of her favorites. We love how much she loves to sit on it and read. When Keith took this picture, she had gotten herself all situated. She carefully placed the pillow pet on the floor in the dining room. Then she went and grabbed a pile of books and laid them out in a tidy row. Then she proceeded to go down the row, picking up one book and "reading" it (she has them all memorized, including our tone and inflections in dialogue), and then moving on to the next one.

We had a good 15 minutes of time to cook dinner together and talk about the day! This ability to entertain herself has been happening more and more lately. It's amazing and wonderful and also makes me a little sad. I'm absolutely certain that her overwhelming need for me is going to drive me crazy .... until the day that it's gone. Until the day where she gets dressed, goes to school, comes home from school and goes straight to her room to read or whatever, or—even worse—doesn't even come home after school, because she's at a friend's house or some activity. So I go the whole day without seeing her.

Once that happens, I'll remember these days with longing. Like today, where she offered her hand and said, "Mama, I'll help you up so you can come play dollhouse with me." These days where I'm her favorite playmate and my boring, repetitive stories delight and entertain her.

Of course, once she moves on, we still have some pets that will need us. I've been meaning to write this post for ages, but since that first picture with the pillow pet, we've found someone else in the house who loves it just as much, if not more.

Gomez is laying on the pillow pet constantly. Wherever it has landed, she seeks it out. Except, at the moment, she's curled up in my lap. It's good to know that the cat thinks I'm better than the pillow pet!

I do want Eleanor to learn to entertain herself and be independent. The best-case scenario is that tonight she pulls out the pillow pet for a solitary reading session .... and then comes and takes my hand to help me up, so I can play with her.

Christmas Cards

Keith read an article on Slate the other day called "Did Facebook kill the Christmas Card?" The subtitle is "Our mailboxes are practically empty."

He told me about the article and its premise as we sat at the dining room table. I looked around at the numerous Christmas cards we've received, hanging on ribbons across doorways, windows, and the mantle. I think we sent out about 60 cards, and probably received nearly the same.

I'm not really convinced by the author's argument that no one sends Christmas cards anymore. First of all, the author admits to not sending out cards. I've definitely taken people off our Christmas card list if I don't get reply cards from them for a few years in a row. It's not that I'm angry or anything; I just figure that they don't really care much about the tradition, so why would I keep sending them?

Therefore, if I were friends with the author, I wouldn't be sending her Christmas cards, even though I would be sending and receiving plenty of my own.

I like the photo Christmas cards (clearly, since those are the ones I send myself). It's nice to get a tangible reminder that someone is thinking of you at the holidays, and take a moment to look at the card and think about how the little ones have grown, etc. Hanging up the cards around the house helps get me in the Christmas spirit in terms of acknowledging and appreciating all of the friends and family we are privileged to have in our lives.

I disagree with the Slate author. I don't think the Christmas card is dead, because Facebook is something different; it's all about the sender and not the receiver. There is no real receiver. Having said that, however, I don't feel like I can predict what's going to happen in the next 5-10 years. Will people stop sending real Christmas cards? Will something technological come along that actually replaces the feeling of getting envelopes in the mail and admiring the Christmas card in your hand?

If something came along that felt as personal and friendly as a Christmas card, I would probably switch. But I haven't seen it yet.


*Isn't this clip art picture creepy? I think Santa's had a stroke or something; there's just something not quite right with his eyes.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

I have a very high tolerance for Christmas music, as Keith can attest. I pretty much listen to it constantly from the day after Thanksgiving until after the New Year.

But every year, I get annoyed at the beginning of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." That spoken intro part, that goes:

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.
But do you recall ...
The most famous reindeer of all?

Isn't that a stupid question? It's assuming that you know all of the lesser reindeer, but that you might forget the "most famous reindeer of all?" The illogicality of it bothers me every time.

Christmas Ornament 2008

This is what I suspect will be the first of many Eleanor ornaments. We sent off a picture of our chubby 5-month-old baby (so hard to believe it was only 2 years ago!) to a now-defunct Etsy shop that made these ornaments. We got one for ourselves and I think just for the grandparents. I'm looking forward to the ornaments that she makes, by herself, in the future.

Christmas Ornament 2006

We moved to Cleveland in April 2006 and into our house a few months later, so that year was our first Christmas in our very own home.

I offered to host Christmas, which was an adventure. I even cooked a turkey! (And haven't done it since.) Keith and I spent Christmas morning in our own bed, in our own house, which was heavenly.

Even when we weren't living in Cleveland, my Mom and I have had a long-standing tradition of a museum day around the Christmas holiday. I think it started when I was in college and home for a few weeks. We'd pick a day after Christmas to go out to lunch and visit one of the local museums. Before we left, we'd stop into the museum gift shop and buy a few Christmas ornaments at ridiculously marked-down prices.

In 2006, we went to the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. Funnily enough, I've never actually been there when it's warm outside, and have yet to see the outdoor gardens. Ever since that first trip, I've always gone in the winter to see their gingerbread house display. They have a competition and the houses range from fabulosity to monstrosities, built with love and pudgy little toddler fingers. They put me in a Christmas mood, even after the actual day has passed.

We haven't talked about it yet, but hopefully we get to a museum again this year. And that it's a tradition that Eleanor will want to continue!

Christmas Ornament 2005

This ornament represents kind of a best and worst moment in my life. It was purchased in November or December 2005, from the Ten Thousand Villages store in the O'Bryanville area of Cincinnati. This ornament might look quite familiar to some, because we bought a lot of them and tied them onto everyone's gifts that year.

We were living in Cincinnati at the time. Since February, I had been working at a job that made me completely miserable. I was so depressed, actually, that I was taking antidepressants for the first (and still only, up to this point anyway) time in my life. I cried all the time. When I tried to enter the work building, I could feel the tears building up. My boss was horrible, there was too much work to do, not enough time to do it in, and no recognition that I was given an impossible task, with an impossible manager, and doing the best I could with hardly any training or support.

I stuck it out for as long as I could—much longer than was reasonable, because I'm stubborn like that. But I finally handed in an ultimatum at the end of November to the department head: You've been promising me for months that you would remedy all of these complaints, which you have agreed are an issue. I'm tired of promises, so either fix it or consider this my two weeks' notice.

She called me in for a meeting the next day and said she accepted my resignation and it was effective immediately. She gave no acknowledgement that the situation was in any way her fault or responsibility. I was unreliable and a quitter was the undercurrent in the room. I had the rest of the day to clean out my desk and get everything in order.

I started crying because I was so shocked, even though I shouldn't have been. I was not treated well the whole time I was there—why should it start now? But I got myself together and went back to my desk. I only told one co-worker what happened and asked her to keep it quiet, and then spent the rest of the afternoon working away on my computer and pretending like nothing had happened. I hung around until after 6, when most people had already left. This wasn't unusual, since I had regularly been working 50-60 hour weeks ever since I started. I cleaned out my desk, said "good-bye" to a couple of people who were still there, and left.

I went home and told Keith and cried. I had no idea if I was relieved or upset or which way was up. This horrible job had been consuming my thoughts and emotions for months—many days it felt like it was consuming me—and suddenly it was gone. What next?

What does one do after essentially getting fired? Go shopping, of course! Keith took the following day off work and we went Christmas shopping. We had a really nice day together, because every time we are together we enjoy it, and we bought most of our presents from small shops close to our apartment. We walked, we talked, we shopped, we ate.

Slowly, the anxiety that had been squeezing my chest into a knot 24/7 started to ease. I began to think that there would be life after this horrible job. Something would work out .... and no matter what it was or how long it took, it would be worth it because I wouldn't be at that place anymore!

This ornament reminds me of just how dark that time was for me, but how far I've come since. I learned a valuable lesson that if the whole situation seems bad from the beginning, it probably is. I should trust my instincts and move on! And I should also know that I'm a good, hard worker. If I'm trying my hardest and I can't meet someone's expectations, those expectations just might be unreasonable. So instead of working myself into the ground to meet them, I should take a step back and think about what's feasible, and recognize that I need a work/life balance (emphasis on the "life" part) to be content.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Yesterday was a crazy, crazy day. I thought Monday's snow was bad, but yesterday was so much worse. It was fine overnight, but it started snowing at about 9 o'clock in the morning and still hadn't stopped by 7 o'clock that night, when I was trying to get home from work.

I really shouldn't complain about my drive, however. It usually takes me 20-30 minutes to get home from campus. Yesterday was more like 45 minutes (an hour if you could the time that I spent even cleaning off my car before I could get on the road). On the other hand, my sister drives across town to watch Eleanor for me on Wednesdays. It normally takes her about an hour to get home. Yesterday it took 4 hours. 4 HOURS! She could have made almost to Cincinnati in that amount of time.

Today, however, there's a beautiful blue sky and the sun is shining brightly—blindingly on all of the pristine white snow. I do think that all of the snow (once it's off the road) is beautiful and festive. After all of this, we'd better have a white Christmas!

Image Credit: "Photos: Feet of Snow Bury Great Lakes" article at Weather.com

Christmas Ornament 2002

... and back to the post I originally meant to write yesterday, if I wasn't battling the snow. This is an ornament I picked up for Keith when I was in Savannah, Georgia at a work conference in 2002. And by work conference, I mean I worked for the organization that ran the conference, there was only 3 or 4 of us full-time staff, and we worked the entire time. We never saw the outside of the hotel until long after the sun went down.

What I did see of the city, I really liked though. I loved the architecture and the parks. One night we took a ghost tour (what else do you do at night in a new city? with co-workers?) which was fun. On the last day, I had a few hours to myself to wander around, shop, and be touristy before we flew back home.

So many cute shops! Since the conference was right before Thanksgiving, everyone already had their Christmas items on display. I bought this ornament for Keith as a, "Hey! I was thinking about you! Even if I hardly ever got the chance to call you."

The whole time I was walking around, I kept thinking of how much more fun I'd be having if Keith were there, too. I did like the city, but I feel like I saw and experienced very little of it. I'm still hoping to go back there one day, with Keith, and see and do a lot more. But still take the ghost tour!

Christmas Ornament 1987

It's hard to believe I haven't done this before (and I haven't—I just checked), but I thought for this week I'd feature a few of the ornaments on our Christmas tree. It took us a week, but our tree is purchased, on display, and decorated. And of course, one of the best parts is pulling all of the ornaments out of the box and memories surging forward with every one.

I figured I'd start with the oldest ornament I wanted to feature, and one of the oldest ornaments I have. My Grandma Stroh gave it to me in 1987, when I was 9 years old. I'm a little shocked it's lasted this long, knowing my klutziness (cue the Christmas tree taking-down disaster, now that I've jinxed it).

I have so many fond memories of Christmas with my grandparents on both sides. We (parents and sisters) were also home on Christmas morning. The first time I woke up somewhere other than my parents' house on Christmas morning was when I was 22 years old, and in Scotland. With both sets of grandparents living locally, we never traveled for Christmas and I was/am glad of that tradition. I think we would usually go to one grandparents' on Christmas Eve, spend Christmas morning at home, and then go to the other grandparents' on Christmas afternoon.

For Eleanor it's a little different, since Keith's parents and family live over 4 hours away. We do always go visit soon after Christmas, but not right on the day. We do, however, always spend Christmas morning at home, in our living room, gathered around our own Christmas tree.

This ornament from Grandma Stroh reminds me of the traditions of both gathering with extended family, and making time to enjoy immediate family who I may take for granted on a daily basis. Eleanor has already decided that Santa is bringing her a baby doll and doggy pajamas. I'm really looking forward to seeing her face this year when she rounds the corner and sees the presents under the tree.

*Many thanks to Keith, my wonderful photographer, for these pictures and all the rest.

Etsy: Grammar

Meg's response to "Geeky Processed Meat?" inspired me to do a few more Etsy-themed posts for the Christmas season. Of course, the first thing I thought of ... no wait. What happened first after I had this great idea was that I drew a blank. What word could I search on that would use as interesting and varied results as bacon?

So rather than wait for that one fantabulous word to come to me, I did the next best thing. What is a word that I would want? So I searched on grammar.

The results were neither as robust nor as random as with bacon. The emphasis fell heavily on grammar nerd jewelry. Although it wasn't as surprising, I did enjoy looking at it. These are pieces I would definitely wear to class!

• A sentence diagramming pendant necklace
• School House Rock! magnets—such fond memories
• This grammar police button would definitely come in handy. They should come standard when one is hired as an English professor.
• A copper necklace pointing out the difference between who and whom. There were also many other pieces regarding to/two/too or their/they're/there. These mistakes are SO common, and completely avoidable!

There were a few non-wearable items:

• An Ampersand Eco-friendly Pillow in Shades of Blue, and
  
• The winner for most unusual goes to the ellipses espresso cup and saucer, pictured above. It seems like an odd use for grammar, but yet, with the ellipses (like a brief pause between words), it works. It seems like it would be a reminder to sit down, relax, and pause between all of the day's planned activities.
  

Happy Thanksgiving!

We've had a good, uneventful Thanksgiving. Keith and Eleanor are already in bed, but for some reason I'm just not ready to fall asleep. Here's 10 things I'm thankful for today:

1. Eleanor
2. Keith
3. spending time with Keith and Eleanor, like we'll be able to with the long weekend
4. mid-afternoon naps with Beckett and Gomez
5. only 2 weeks of class left in the semester
6. Christmas music
7. laughter and good food with family and friends
8. a new hard drive and NOT losing all of our pictures from the past 4 years
9. having a job that is challenging (even if a bit too challenging, sometimes)
10. my fluffy, warm bathrobe and cozy gripper socks
    

Geeky processed meat?

I've started my Christmas shopping by browsing around Etsy. So many cute things! Having the wonderful family and friends that I do, I went ahead and clicked on the "Geekery" category, figuring that would be the best place to start.

All the video games, chemistry (hey Josh!;) and anime items in that category, I get. Dr. Who? Yes.

But bacon?!? How is bacon geeky? How is it anything other than bacon?

And how are there so many handmade bacon items? Lamps, scarves, magnets, earrings ... so many ways to wear and display your bacon.

One of my favorites was the magnet pictured above, which is a combo of bacon-loving and public restroom hand dryers. Don't be surprised if you find this in your stocking this year.