Bonjour, Monsieur Rocket Scientist

I like to tell people that I minored in French. True? Oui. But misleading.

Sadly, I can barely speak a word of it now and can only read one in every five words or so. And my writing has always been terrible, so that's not something I can claimed has fallen into disrepair, because it's always been like that.

My sister and I try. She's much better at it than I am. She writes me long letters in French. I sit down on several occasions and stare at a blank piece of paper for 15 minutes before I get too frustrated and give up.

I have been to Paris once, and actually used my French while there. I asked directions of a shopkeeper and nodded diligently as he spoke and gestured. When we got outside, my friend (who majored in Spanish) asked what he said. I shrugged.
"I know we turn left. When we get to the corner, I'll ask someone else." We proceeded this way to the hotel, with me only understanding one direction at a time. Would this be called a "functional use of French"? I think it depends on how much time you have before you need to be at your destination.

This is why I only tell Americans that I minored in French. Their eyebrows rise and they make that little "oh" with their mouths to indicate that they're impressed with my obvious intelligence. (Or so I like to think.) But they don't actually expect me to demonstrate my capabilities in any way. If I ever find someone who replies, "Really? Because I lived in France for 5 years!" I'll be in serious trouble. Maybe I should do an informal study. For a week or so, make an extra attempt to tell people that I speak French and track how many actually want me to prove it.

Or maybe I'll go the other way and play devil's advocate. Whenever someone tells me they know something, I'll test them on it. Personal experience having taught me that most of it is probably a lie. "So you're familiar with rocket science, huh? Very interesting. So what can you tell me about jet propulsion and Newton's third law of motion? Just briefly, of course."

I suppose my New Year's Resolution could be to increase my fluency in French. Would this be more or less time-consuming than reading 50 books? What if I again pledged to read 50 books, but this time, 10 of them were in French. The thought makes me break out in a cold sweat. Maybe I'll just read about Rockets on Wikipedia--in French--and consider my bases covered.