Nut-covered Raisin Experts

Where is my Raisin Nut Bran?

As I write this, I stare disconsolately at my oatmeal square, which just isn’t the same.

When it comes to breakfast, I am not adventurous. Dinner? Sure, I’ll try sushi! I enjoy spicy foods and dishes eaten with chopsticks and drinks set afire.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain this to you, but breakfast and dinner are not the same meal. Breakfast is all about comfort and preparing one for the trials of the day at the office with fiber and raisins. Breakfast is eaten while one is still half-asleep, which is my excuse for hardly ever varying my routine. Hot tea (Twinings English Breakfast, actually), with Raisin Nut Bran. Mayhap oatmeal, if I’m feeling really crazy. I like my breakfast monotonous and predictable.

At first I tried to give General Mills the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, I thought, the only factory in the world that is capable of covering the succulent raisins with their delicious nut coating was located on the Gulf Coast. Slowly, the surplus dwindled until we are now all feeling the effects. Nut-covered Raisin Experts are out of work with a bleak outlook for future employment in their chosen field. I suppose they can try switching to chocolate-covered foods, as there’s a lot more variety in that field, but with the variance in viscosity I would think it’s an entirely different skill set requiring years of apprenticeship.

I realized that theory might be a bit out there, even for me. A more likely scenario would be that RNB is actually being discontinued, which would upset me greatly. You don’t mess with breakfast. I take my breakfast ritual very seriously. What am I supposed to do now?

I went to the General Mills website to disprove my theory and found the following in the company history:

“General Mills traces its roots to the 1860s and a pair of flour mills on opposite banks of the Mississippi River. These two flour mills revolutionized the milling industry and created the foundation for the General Mills of today.”

So it just might be possible after all. I’ll make do with my oatmeal squares and Mueslix for now, and hold on to the hope that as prosperity returns to the Gulf Coast, Raisin Nut Bran will return to the shelves in my local grocery stores. And I’ll toast the Nut-covered Raisin Experts with my cereal spoon.