I’m completely flummoxed. I don’t even know what to think.
So this job is boring and not challenging at all. But it is a temp job and the people are okay, so I figured I could deal with it for a while. Because it is a job, after all. It gets me out of the house and feeling semi-productive and brings in a little extra money, which never hurts. So although I will complain about it on a regular basis, I still intended to keep doing it.
Today my manager mentioned that she hasn’t trained me on the large database because tomorrow they’re finding out about layoffs.
Really. I guess that’s good to know, huh? So apparently, as of tomorrow, I may or may not be employed.
At first, I thought that I was mad. I was definitely led to think that this was a long-term position. But, they were also upfront about the fact that the university is having budget issues, so I guess I can’t say I wasn’t forewarned.
During lunch, I decided that the strange, ebullient emotion I was feeling was actually not anger or disappointment, but hope. Hope that, through no fault of my own, I will have regained my carefree, lazy days. Writing, reading, running errands, not on any schedule except the one that I set for myself. I would keep applying for jobs, of course, but at the least I would have stolen another week or so of unemployment.
So now I just don’t know what to think. Am I angry and frustrated? Keeping my fingers crossed that I get laid off or not? If tomorrow goes by without any mention of me getting laid off, I’ll be disappointed. I’ll envision all of the fabulous things I could (and assuredly would) be doing without the yoke of gainful employment around my neck. If I get laid off tomorrow, I’ll mope around because I feel guilty and like I’m not contributing to society.
Instead of looking at this as a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation, I think I’ll spend the rest of the afternoon trying to remember the benefits of both situation.