Now that college basketball season has started again (Go Flyers!), much of our time is spent courtside. And it has been declared that I would not make a very good basketball announcer. My commentary gives more of a sense of the overall atmosphere rather than focusing strictly on the game play. You might find this approach more appealing; let me know. Megan’s calls
Tip-off: Look at how long
15:30: We’re losing.
13:25: We’re still losing.
Under 10 time-out: Oh, look! The cheerleaders are cheering at center court! No wait, they are lifting one cheerleader and holding her up. Wow. That’s really motivational. I feel like our team can go out and win, now that the cheerleaders have held one of their own in the air for at least 30 seconds. What would we do without their encouragement?
8:15: Look at that guy on the visiting bench. I think he’s picking his nose.
5:47: Hey, we’re winning now! That’s exciting.
3:11: My boy is in! *Shouting* Go, Marcus! I clap enthusiastically. Meanwhile, on the court, plays develop that are not at all related to my favorite player, which I ignore.
2:08: Are we going to get something to eat at half-time? I was thinking maybe nachos, but a hot dog sounds good, too. Do you have to go to the bathroom? Maybe we should go to the bathroom and whoever finishes first can get in line and then the other person can meet up with them. And when you’re paying, I’ll get the condiments and napkins and straw. Can’t forget the straw!
HALF-TIME
20:00: Oh, Cripe’s playing instead of Alvarez. Cripe is kind of goofy looking, but I guess if he gets the job done…
18:45: Band director Willie is wearing a new jumpsuit. Are those lights or sequins? Oh my god, it actually does light up. Look! It’s like a mini-landing strip, running right up the side of his pants. Wow. He really does go above and beyond.
14:23: I can’t believe we’re winning by two. It doesn’t feel like we’re winning. Did you realize that if Roberts score another 4 points his number/fouls/points will read 2-2-22. Crazy. Go Roberts!
11:57: Have you noticed that the people to our right have gotten up and left about 10 times this game? There must be a reason. They look a little older. Maybe they have a daughter who’s pregnant and due any day, and they’re anxiously waiting to hear. Or they’re drug dealers.
9:03: Are we in double bonus? I can never remember when that starts. Do you think that Monty will score again? If so, four of the five players on the court would be in double digits, which makes me happy.
3:29: Look at everyone leaving just because we’re up by 10. Fine, leave people! Hurry out to your cars and get out of our way, thank you very much. And you call yourselves fans!
1:13: Hey, I found a typo in the program! Look here, it’s a single right quote in front of the year, but it should actually be a single left quote …. I know that I’m the only one that will ever notice, but it’s still wrong!
Final buzzer: Enthusiastic clapping. Go Flyers! That was a good game. Well-played, especially by Marcus. And the Burger King ran around the arena to start the wave, which I always find amusing. Good times!
p.s. For those kids counting along at home, I’m on book 43—Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. The Tony Danza Christmas movie involved a town called Evergreen, a girl named Noel, and Betty White. If you enjoy Christmas cheese, I highly recommend it!
