Grocery store organization is a mystery to me. And this is coming from someone who actually considers organizing a fun hobby. Who does it for other people because she finds it enjoyable. Even so, I cannot wrap my head around grocery store organization.I was talking about it with some friends this weekend. I asked Andrea if she had one of those little gadgets to get fuzz off her sweaters, because I needed one and I had no idea where to look. A puzzled look came across her face. She admitted she did have one, but it was a gift and she had no idea where to look for one, either.
So today I decided to investigate. (And I needed to go grocery shopping anyway. But at least if I pretended I was involved in investigative journalism, the doddering old people comparing brands of tomato soup for 20 minutes might bother me a smidge less.) Armed with a shopping list and a list of items that mystify as to their placement, I headed to the Hyde Park Biggs.
I parked near the grocery store but walked first to the drug store. Why, you ask? Because I also find perplexing the relationship between grocery stores and drug stores. They live in such close proximity to each other; often even sharing a parking lot, like my local Biggs and Walgreens. But if they offer the same product, why are they both there? I can never keep straight what items would be at a drug store that could not also be found at the grocery store. Keith's given me the lecture several times. It goes like this:
Picture a grocery store. Now take away anything perishable or relating to groceries. The area you have left is significantly smaller than the area of a drugstore. This means that drug stores can carry a wider variety of non-grocery items than grocery stores do.I waltzed into Walgreens, ready to test Keith's crazy theory. And he was right! You'd think I'd be used it after so many years, but it still seems wrong for one person to be right all the time. However, I would like to point out that the sweater de-fuzzer (or Fabric Shaver, according to its packaging) was with the clothes hangers, far removed from the laundry items. This still makes no sense to me.
After purchasing one snazzy little fabric shaver, I headed over to Biggs. Below is a list of some of the mystery items and where I did or did not find them. If you have any other ones to add, please let me know!
- Fabric Shaver. Was not to be found in the grocery store. Double damn that man! What else I found interesting about Aisle 13 was that it did contain bugsprays both to be applied to humans as protection, and to be applied to bugs as lethal force. The sign for Aisle 13 read: "Air Care, Laundry Care, Fabric Care, Bags/Wraps, Paper Plates." Where do you think Off! and Raid fit in those categories?
- Marshmallows. In my past experience, I had looked for these in baking, only to be sorely disappointed. However, in Biggs they were indeed in aisle 10: baking. This made me realize a) that grocery store organizers really don't know what they're doing, or b) it's all part of a nefarious plan by the big chains to have their regular customers confused when they go into the competitor's stores since items are moved around, so they will retreat to the comfort of their usual store.
- Maraschino cherries. Again, another item that I've seen in several places. My instincts told me that it would be with the canned fruit. And it was! Nearly. The last item on the Aisle 2 sign actually said "Can Fruit", which brought to mind several amusing images. And that PotUSA song about peaches.
- Batteries. Ah yes, the bastard child of grocery organization. These are never in one spot. They are always scattered on random displays throughout the store. In this case, I was looking for a 9-volt battery. The display stuck near carbonated beverages did not have any 9-volts so I continued my search. Finally, I found a cardboard display at the end of Aisle 9: Pets.
Okay, my parents' dog did eat a battery once. And some glasses and my sister's homework and chocolate brownies ... however, I didn't think anyone would actually encourage this type of behavior. What sort of pet needs batteries? Our society is entirely too pampered these days if pets are now getting battery-powered toys. - Fake meat. I think the proper term for this is something more along the lines of "soy-based meat replacement product." Either way, it's frozen products made from not-meat ingredients, but made to resemble ground beef, chicken pieces, corndogs, etc. Although I'm not vegetarian, I like eating the fake meat because it's healthier and usually cheaper.
Never easy to find in the grocery store, though. Typically it gets put next to the frozen breakfast section. This time, however, they switched it up and included it with the organic options. Way to keep me on my toes! Interesting that it's never actually in a case remotely near the meat.
- I was looking for a sponge to replace the one on that plastic wand filled with dish soap that we keep in the sink. You know what I'm talking about--everyone has one. Well, there weren't any with the sponges, but I did find a package of replacement sponges for "liquid dispensing dishwasher." They were round, I needed rectangular. Is it really that hard, people? Where is the Liquid Dispensing Dishwasher Quality Control and Regulations Committee (WLDDQCR) when you need one?
- A single tear rolled down my cheek as I rolled the shopping cart past the spot where Raisin Nut Bran should be.
- TAB still lives!! How the hell can TAB stay around but Raisin Nut Bran gets the boot?!? It seems wrong that it can now be purchased in the new-fangled fridge pack. If you're going to buy TAB, I think you should have to buy it in an old school fridge pack and then put the cans in the fridge individually. Like the Bangles and Huey Lewis used to do it back in the day. (Sorry, Chris.)
