Thursday, January 05, 2006

Life Multiple Choice Quiz

Figuring out the rest of your life is hard work.

I re-learn this every time I come to a crossroads, but conveniently manage to forget it during the quiet, predictable times between. When I need to make a big decision about where to live or getting a new job, I am constantly quizzing myself. Trying to view the situation from every possible angle that might shed some light on the correct path.

Because I convince myself that there's probably a "right" choice. Even though I know life is more complicated and messy than a multiple-choice test, I want it to be that simple. I feel like if I study my options enough, the answer will become obvious. If I choose "A," happiness and riches will follow. If I choose "B" or "C," there's nothing ahead but heartache. I want it to be that simple.

So to distill my options, I question myself with determined persistence. "What is appealing about that job? Would you be happier working at home or in an office? What do you really want to be when you grow up?"

Most of the time, I have no good answers to my own interrogation. I fumble around for some easy, non-committal answers, but my inner critic isn't satisfied. Where is the book I can study from to get these answers?

I tell myself to relax and not put so much pressure on finding the exact right answer. Life is complex, decisions are made in shades of gray, etc. But I'm still consumed by the fear that, if I stop thinking so much about the future, it will catch me by surprise. Five years from now, I'll see the error of the decision I made today—an error that could have been prevented if I had just thought about it more. Worked tirelessly through every pro and con.

I think the biggest problem is that I don't know what I want. If I had a definite goal to work toward, it would be much easier to sort choices into the "gets me closer" pile or the "leads away from the goal" discards.

So if anyone has figured out what you're doing for the rest of your life and how to get there, I'd appreciate some tips!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, well, well ... a month after complaining about the inability to post comments, I finally make it back to actually read the posts and *make* a comment.

And my comment is that I have no comment.

No, just kidding.

Uhm. Making choices. Let's see. Do you have a dartboard? That might help.

And don't forget the necessity for easy access to Raisin Nut Bran in the future. Cereal is an excellent factor in making decisions about relocating, you know--much better than affordable housing options or job availability.

But I only say that because I need you and Mr. Megan (since you're ticked about Mrs. Keith) in NE OH (where RNB is plentiful, roaming free in all major grocery stores) to join me and Cathy and Christine in pub quiz each month. We just got stomped last night--tied for fifth. Our new team name, Nuns with Guns, did not bring us any luck--although someone on another team did ask Cathy (who was wearing a nearly see-through shirt) if we were really nuns. Sigh.