Friday, February 16, 2007

Gap 14, Abercrombie 6

You have never seen that score anywhere in sports media. Do you know why? – BECAUSE GAP AND ABERCROMBIE DON’T HAVE SPORTS TEAMS.

Nor will they ever. And you look stupid wearing their shirts. But don’t take my word for it:
  • 56% of clothes-wearers have an aversion towards rooting for anyone except their hometown losers (Cubs, Indians, Bears, Browns, etc. etc. etc.) and wear such shirts.
  • Another 35% are primarily NASCAR fans and wear such shirts.
  • 8% are primarily not sporty and know only enough to keep them from getting beat up in bars; they may wear sport shirts but do it only to blend in. They are more likely to be wearing a nice Paul Smith from Barneys.
  • And 1% wear clothes to keep them warm, with no idea what their shirts say—they may only think the words and shapes are pretty.
It’s all true, I read it on the Internet.

You are in the last category of people if you wear fictional sports team shirts. Say hello to your fellow shirt segment friend:

So, I implore you – find something else to wear, root for a real team, watch NASCAR for Cripes sake or better yet, buy a nice button down from your local custom tailor. Just make sure you throw those Gap and Abercrombie sports shirts out.

And thank you, Megan, for offering me this space to slightly offend.

Submitted by Guest Blogger Extraordinaire, Todd. Thanks, Todd!


Bob said...

I just looked down and my shirt looked back at me with "Abercrombie 7". :(

I will go jump off a balcony now.

M. Lubbers said...

What, Bob? You don't want to defend your fashion choices?!? Write a blog entry from the other point of view, perhaps?

cat said...

I'll have to take off my American Eagle Snow Bunny Snowboard Team tee? I think I'll stay on my fictional team, thankyouverymuch. Fictionally, I do much better than in real life.

I'm also the owner of several real team shirts, so it all works out. GO TEAM LITTLE E #8!!11!1 GO TARHEELS!!1!11!

(Hey! I was Miss Urine Tester U.S.A. 1998. not)

Huckle Cat said...


When are you going to be my Guest Blogger, eh???

M. Lubbers said...

Hey! So Todd's mysterious girlfriend appears in the virtual world!! Does this mean she really exists after all?!?

Mayhap Todd doesn't guest blog for you because he's not concerned that the content of your blog is going seriously downhill. Just a thought.

Nice to e-meet you!

Anonymous said...

-I thought Todd was MY mysterious girlfriend! That's WHY I've been wearing my "Todd #7" shirt for so long! (Along with the WWTD? dickie and the SMARTIN' LIKe MARTIN pajama pants/coveralls.) How embarrassing.
DO NOT MAKE ME GO BACK TO MY "I'm Megan's Sister #1" sombrero days!

cat said...

I saw a rerun of King of the Hill last night where Bobby got a job to buy branded clothes to get popular. He was wearing one of those tees and a girl walks up to him and says, "That's my favorite fake team."

Anyhoo, just made me laugh in relation to this post.