Gap 14, Abercrombie 6

You have never seen that score anywhere in sports media. Do you know why? – BECAUSE GAP AND ABERCROMBIE DON’T HAVE SPORTS TEAMS.

Nor will they ever. And you look stupid wearing their shirts. But don’t take my word for it:

• 56% of clothes-wearers have an aversion towards rooting for anyone except their hometown losers (Cubs, Indians, Bears, Browns, etc. etc. etc.) and wear such shirts.
• Another 35% are primarily NASCAR fans and wear such shirts.
• 8% are primarily not sporty and know only enough to keep them from getting beat up in bars; they may wear sport shirts but do it only to blend in. They are more likely to be wearing a nice Paul Smith from Barneys.
• And 1% wear clothes to keep them warm, with no idea what their shirts say—they may only think the words and shapes are pretty.
  

It’s all true, I read it on the Internet.

You are in the last category of people if you wear fictional sports team shirts. Say hello to your fellow shirt segment friend:


So, I implore you – find something else to wear, root for a real team, watch NASCAR for Cripes sake or better yet, buy a nice button down from your local custom tailor. Just make sure you throw those Gap and Abercrombie sports shirts out.

And thank you, Megan, for offering me this space to slightly offend.

Submitted by Guest Blogger Extraordinaire, Todd. Thanks, Todd!