At War with Myself

There's something else about being sick that I've realized, quite painfully, for the past 2 nights at 3 o'clock in the morning.

I've been taking many, many drugs. Cold and allergy pills. Generic Dayquil. Cough drops. Nasal spray decongestant. I take them all, simultaneously, so that I can function throughout the day.

And I do make it through. I may whine a tad, but I do manage to get to work, stay upright in my chair for 8 hours, and drive home. Where I take all the meds all over again.

But at 3 o'clock in the morning, the meds have all worn off. I wake up, coughing and unable to breathe because my nose is completely congested. My mouth is completely arid from breathing with it hanging open all night, and my chest hurts from the latest coughing fit. I stagger to the bathroom for another round of meds.

It's at this point I realize I'm at war with my body. Until then, I could pretend that the cold is passing, and I'm feeling better naturally. All of these medicines aren't really doing that much, right? Only when my body reverts back to its natural, miserable state do I realize how much the medicines were doing until they're not doing it anymore.

So now I'm afraid to ever be devoid of medicine again. Maybe tonight I'll set my alarm for 2:30, so I can wake up and pop a couple pills before that terrible 3 o'clock realization that I am still truly, horribly sick. Maybe in a few weeks I'll scale back the meds, and see if I can actually breathe on my own or not.