Why is it that I can never get anything done at home? I dream of the day that home is actually an oasis from the world, instead of being the place that populates the majority of my to-do lists.
Right now I'm at a coffee shop 5 minutes from home, and I'm happy and feeling productive. I don't care that there's some crumbs on the floor or drinks to be made, because it's not my work to do!
When did home switch from being restful to being the source of my stress? It probably started the day we moved out of the rented apartment into our first house .... and of course, got markedly more noticeable after Eleanor was born.
Someday, I will accept that I am not superwoman. With one child, a dog, a cat, and a penchant for buying books ... my home will never be a spotless showcase. I will learn to look past the piles of unopened mail and dirty dishes, and just enjoy playing with Eleanor or allow myself to put my feet up at the end of a long day and read a chapter (or two, or three, well maybe just one more ....) without the oppressive guilt of undone laundry and unswept floors pressing down on me.
On the other hand, I also think that someday, I will be able to get more down. There's already a huge difference between this time last year, when Eleanor was only a month old, and today. Back then, I was lucky if I was dressed and teeth brushed by the time Keith got home from work. (And sometimes, it was a race to make it!) Now, that is generally a given. I am running more regularly. The fridge is regularly stocked and we aren't eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 10pm because we never got around to making dinner. Nor are we picking clothes up off the floor and dusting them off, declaring them "good enough" because there's just no time for laundry. So there's been improvement in our abilities to be good parents AND responsible adults, and I think it will continue to improve. Someday, I WILL reorganize the living room so everything that is shoved on the top shelf out of baby's way will actually have a home. I will start projects and finish them in something approximating a timely manner.
I think it's a matter of balance. Of meeting somewhere in the middle. Most days, I will do the dishes and be able to plan meals for the next day while throwing in a load of laundry and still make it to bed at a reasonable hour. On the days when I can't get everything done and am feeling overwhelmed, I need to allow myself the time to decompress and put off the to-do list until tomorrow.
Someday I will have that ebb and flow, the give and take between productive days and the days when I'm just getting by. And, on the rough days, I'll accept things a bit more readily because I will be confident that the next day or the day after that will be easier.
Someday, I won't have to go to the coffee shop to sit and think and not be distracted by EVERYTHING THAT MUST BE DONE BY ME ASAP. Someday, my home will once again be my restful oasis.