Thursday, August 10, 2006

A Chemically-induced Blog

So for reasons I don't want to divulge, I've spent a good part of this morning reading a list of analytical chemical tests on what is one of the ugliest websites ever. Circa 1993 web design.

Anyway, looking at these incredibly complex test names that make very little sense to me actually inspired me to mad-lib blog about them. Because, after a while, the words themselves start to look funny.


Just the other day, I was walking down the odorless light petroleum street when suddenly, out of the house in front of me, bursts a man made of petrolatum wax. It looks wildly about, and spies me and Beckett, standing innocently on the equilibrium reflux boiling point sidewalk.

"Kinematic viscosity!" it cries, a maniacal gleam in its eyes. I think it might have been high on mineral aggregates, because it twitched and saponified a lot. It started moving towards us at a bituminous pace.

Beckett and I turned and ran. Looking back over my shoulder, I could see the Thing congealing, still heading in our direction. At the corner of the street, as we turned, I glimpsed the interfacial tension of oil against water Thing as its foot caught on a Color-Indicator Titration tree root, and it fell.

Even though I thought the Thing was out of ash content, Beckett and I ran the rest of the way home. When we were finally safe inside, I was breathless and had the foaming tendencies of engine coolants in glassware. And that's why I was late to work.

4 comments:

cat said...

I must say, with the title and picture, I thought you started a meth lab in the garage. However, the madlib is quite funny.

M. Lubbers said...

I don't really have any experience with meth users (that I'm aware of, anyway). So I don't know if, had the blog actually been meth-induced ... would it have made more sense, or less? Or just typed really, really fast?

Amy said...

Wow. "Ugly" is right. I don't feel so bad about my lame HTML skillz on my alumni association site -- at least I am using them for good and not evil.

I like your Mad Libs excuse more than my old standby: "Uhm, I kept hitting the snooze alarm, and the next thing I knew, it was 7:50!"

Helen said...

This is a cross between the Jabberwocky and the "the dog ate my homework"! What a fun read. I think Josh would get a kick out of this one.