Useless Treasures

Do you ever look at your Amazon.com gold box? If you have an Amazon account, you can get SPECIAL "gold box Savings" on super-duper items.

Sometimes, when I'm all caught up on TheSuperficial.com and the other very important news sites, I surf Amazon and see what's in my gold box. The general gist of the gold box is they want you to buy the maximum amount of excess crap and trick you into thinking it's a steal. For this reason, they've fashioned it like a Price-Is-Right game. You sign in and they say, okay: we'll now show you 10 fabulous deals, one at a time. At any given time, you can hold on to one of these deals (I think you're only allowed to purchase one of the items because it is, of course, amazing savings). You have 60 minutes to scroll through the ten items in your gold box and either choose one or reject them all. Remember, these are supposedly fantabulous deals that will only last for 60 minutes. So buy now! Supplies limited!!

This is what I found in my gold box on Monday:

• eHealth insurance (.50 off)
  Actually, I was wrong about this one. I was a little surprised to be getting 50 cents off health insurance--didn't really seem remotely like a good deal to me. Then on the next page I realized that eHealth had actually been a Gold Box Sponsor and I totally missed what the actual GB item was. But, I couldn't go back to see. Once it's gone, it's gone!


• 14k Yellow Gold Filigree Dangle Earrings (gold box savings: $5.50 off $55.00)
  I don't usually like yellow gold and I don't have pierced ears. The chances of me ever having bought earrings on Amazon are STN (slim-to-none). I thought the whole point of Amazon tracking every page you've ever visited was to have personalized offers. So where did this come from?


• Nature Made SAM-eMoodPlus 400mg Double Strength Value Size, 36 Tablets (gold box savings: $3.44 off $34.39)
  Just looking at the name, I could tell it was some kind of diet additive. But what did it do? I clicked on the link for more info, which stated: "SAM-e enhances mood by promoting a healthy balance of neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, which are part of overall healthy brain cell functions." Apparently it's also good for joint pain, detoxification, and generally just gets you into tip-top shape. I couldn't help but wonder what I ever looked at to get this offer. Although the $3.44 savings was pretty tempting, I managed to pass.


• book: What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon (gold box savings: $.51 off $10.17)
  Been there, done that. Sadly, the Honeymoon is long over (although never in my heart, my darling!). And only $.51 off? Not exactly drawing me in!


• DVDs: The Lone Gunmen - The Complete Series ($1.00 off $19.97)
  This actually intrigued me slightly, after watching the X-Files all through college. Not enough to buy it, but a little. At least I didn't feel as insulted as I did when the mood enhancing pills came up.



The next few items all fall into the same category: actually relevant to my interests and previous purchases. But with such paltry savings that I was not tempted in the least.

• book: Travel Writer's Guide ($.90 off $17.95)


• book: Writing Down the Bones ($.52 off $10.36)


• book: Travel Photography: A Complete Guide to How to Shoot and Sell ($1.15 off $22.95)


• book: On Writing ($.40 off $7.99)


• book: Lonely Planet Travel Photography: A Guide to Taking Better Pictures ($.58 off $11.69)

Overall, two things struck me as I rummaged through my Gold Box:
Firstly, I thought that these were supposed to be great, great, GREAT deals, with the time limitations and all. But they were all pretty crappy.

Secondly, I was slightly alarmed at how irked I was that these deals, at least to begin with, weren't personalized to my tastes. Is this how it starts? Getting used to The Man knowing your business? Maybe I should be glad that the gold filigree earrings showed up, since obviously Amazon doesn't know me that well. Unless the gold filigree was a red herring ...