The Day Off Blues

How can having a day off make me depressed?

I think it has to do with the possibilities. When I know I'm going to have a day off work, my mind starts churning. I think of all the things I could do during 8 bonus hours. There's the chores that I could get out of the way for the week: grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, running various errands.

Then there's the fun options. I could spend hours at a bookstore and coffee shop. Or not even leave the apartment, but stay on the couch with a full mug of tea and a stack of books.

And then there's the self-improvement options. These are different from the chores because I've actually brought these on myself. I could workout or work on my freelance article that's due in a few days, write my travel book synopsis, draft a new Chapter 1 for my book, or get started on the long-overdue honeymoon scrapbook album. (I'm noticing that a lot of my possible activities are ones that I've brought on myself ...)

Before I know it, it's 10 o'clock and I haven't done any of these things. I'm still in my pajamas on the couch, but I haven't been reading or writing. I've just been watching TV, surfing the Internet, and generally wasting time. And now I'm feeling my extra day slip away. I start to get stressed about choosing between possibly edifying activities and just pure enjoyment. I spend at least a half-hour mourning the time that's lost.

By lunchtime, I may or may not have left the couch. Or gotten dressed. Or done anything. By the time Keith comes home after work and asks what I did all day, I'm still on the couch. Maybe having taken a nap or watched crappy Lifetime movies, but not actually reading or doing any of the activities I wanted to do. Because I feel guilty for not being more productive, so I don't let myself participate in the activities I'd enjoy.

So Keith asks me what I did all day, and I shrug and say "nothing." He probably thinks I'm lying and actually did something, but I'm not. I didn't. Really. I didn't even make one decision.

At least tomorrow I'll be able to go to work and get a break.